By Dick Wolfsie
Guest Columnist

My wife takes a yoga class. The session is an hour long, but she’s usually gone about two and a half hours. I understand why she is gone so long. The class is way across the street. You’re not supposed to talk during the session, so a lot of neighborhood gossip builds up during the silent period.

Dick Wolfsie

The ladies have their own mats, but most have resisted going into full yoga dress mode. That’s a good thing. Here’s why.

A Canadian clothing company that manufactures yoga garb once had a quality control problem that alienated its fan base. Especially the part of the base that has a big fanny. Its hottest item was a pair of stretch yoga pants that sold for $100. This is the perfect garment for men and women seeking to transcend their material attachments. And the pants look really cool with a pair of $1,200 Louis Vuitton running shoes.

The company website had a disclaimer that read: “In some cases, you may experience extreme sheerness.” In other words, you can see through the pants. When your garment selection lists possible side effects, you may need to reconsider your wardrobe.

One consumer expert suggested that before you purchase the pants, you should try them on and bend over to see if there is a “see-through” issue. Of course, you are hardly in the best position to gather accurate information that way. You might say to your BFF, “I have a really, really big favor to ask of you.”

A company spokesperson suggested you do a yoga maneuver called a “downward dog” to test the transparency of the fabric. I had no idea what this was, so I searched for it on YouTube. My wife came down to the basement when I was watching a video demonstration and now I’m forbidden to go online unless I have spousal supervision.

One yoga enthusiast, presently employed as an engineer, said she doesn’t mind that her butt shows, but she dislikes the fabric because of the excessive static cling. This is what happens when you ask an electrical engineer a question about tight translucent pants instead of asking a structural engineer.

A sales representative addressed the problem of defective inventory already in the stores. “The company will be pulling our pants down from the shelves.” When you utter a sentence that includes the phrase, “pulling our pants down,” you’re just asking for some tabloid journalist to take your quote out of context.

One clothing manufacturing analyst said that the company needs to deal with the problem and get some closure. Apparently, he forgot that with elastic-waist pants, closure is seldom an issue. Then he went on to say, “It is clear that they really have a good product.” He could have added, “They also have a product that is really clear.”

Another company official noted: “Investors have been plowing money into the stock, so we still have room to grow,” which is not only commentary on future potential but a nod to the biggest advantage of pants made of spandex. And finally, the chief financial officer added that analysts are taking a “wait and see attitude.”

Men parked in front of the fitness center are adopting a similar approach.