By Dick Wolfsie
Guest Columnist

This past week, I did a little shopping to find some warm apparel for our trip to Iceland. I don’t like buying new clothes because I always seem to spill something on them.

If I enjoy my meal at a particular restaurant, I wear the same shirt the next time I am there. When the waiter asks what I’d like for dinner and I have trouble remembering the great choice I made the previous time, I just point to the appropriate spot on my shirt. The server knows exactly what I want.

Dick Wolfsie

Mary Ellen also went shopping for our vacation. A woman’s shopping spree lasts longer than a man’s, so I was home for about two hours before Mary Ellen pulled into the driveway. When she walked into the house, I was trying on a pair of pants I had purchased.

“You have a stain on your pants,” said Mary Ellen.

“That’s impossible. I haven’t even worn them yet.”

“They must really know their customers at Macy’s. They pre-stained them for you.”

“Well, I guess I can’t wear those to dinner,” I said, hoping to return them and get my money back.

“I think you should wear them, anyway,” said Mary Ellen. “You’re missing a few food groups in your collection. That may be something new you’ve never spilled.”

Then, I reached into the package and pulled out the flannel shirt I had also bought. This was perfect for our trip.

“That’s another bad choice,” said Mary Ellen.

“Why?”

“It has a smudge under the second button.”

Sure enough, once again I had purchased something brand new that had somehow anticipated its unavoidable destiny to be dripped on.

“Wait a second, Mary Ellen, my tie will cover the problem.”

“That’s super idea, Dick, a tie with a flannel shirt. It’s too bad the Mickey Mouse tie you packed also has a stain on both his ears. Not that you need a tie in Iceland. Did you read the dress code for the trip? We’re going to Iceland, not Disneyland. And I know why you like flannel shirts. All the new drippings blend in together.”

On a previous cruise, Mary Ellen suggested not bringing any fancy clothing for dinner at all, maybe just a good raincoat. The truth is, it’s inappropriate to arrive at a formal meal in a soiled garment, but acceptable to stain it accidentally while eating. That first night, I ordered the shrimp cocktail and effortlessly completed my assignment on my pants.

“Those need to be soaked in cold water,” said my wife when we were back in our cabin. So, I threw it overboard.

After we returned home from our vacation, I washed my clothes and tried to remove the soiled areas, but what remained was evidence of some fine Italian wine and a delicious chicken parmigiana dish. Mary Ellen took more than 1,000 photos on that trip to create lasting memories.

I had a better idea. Let’s just say my approach was spot on.