By John ‘Butch’ Dale
Guest Columnist

John ‘Butch’ Dale

Two weeks ago a fellow from out-of-state stopped here at the library to ask directions to a house that was listed for sale nearby.

He stated that he and his wife were looking forward to seeing it because it was in the country and came with a few acres of land … to which I responded that residences like that are “as scarce as hen’s teeth.” With a puzzled look on his face, I explained that expression meant “exceptionally rare.” Well, this got me to thinking about various terms and expressions that we Hoosiers use regularly which perhaps “normal” people have never heard.

In describing people, have you ever used these? …

Words to describe little kids — whippersnapper, cute as a button, knee high to a grasshopper, sweet as honey, shy as a violet, full of ginger, sweet patootie, happy as a lark, growin’ like a weed, rambunctious.

Nice descriptions of older folks — as honest as the day is long, proud as a peacock, strong as an ox, worth his salt, has a great gift of gab, a real humdinger, she’s a doozie, as harmless as a dove.

Dderogatory terms — high falutin’, more bark than bite, as cross as a bear, pig-headed, old windbag, mad as an old wet hen, uglier than a mud fence, bullheaded, nincompoop, sour as a pickle, the south end of a horse headed north, face as long as a clothesline, big dog in town, full of muckety-muck, all dolled-up and nowhere to go, shows everything she’s got, surefire jail-bait, can’t get off his high horse, couldn’t cut the mustard, a regular highway robber, slippery as an eel … and my wife’s favorite … doesn’t have the brains God gave a goose.

How about some of the other descriptions that people around here use … such as … raining cats and dogs (or coming down in buckets), dead as a doornail, fine kettle of fish, slightly cattywampus, blasted to smithereens, up to no-good high jinks, stewin’ in his own juice, a pig in a poke — make yourself scarce, get down to brass tacks, take the bull by the horns, get your ducks in a row, time to pay the piper, every dog has his day, stick to your guns, you made your bed … now lie in it, doesn’t have a leg to stand on, he has something up his sleeve, here’s mud in your eye, that’s a pot calling the kettle black, he’s lookin’ for a purse or a nurse, it will all blow over, you’ll come into your own one sweet day, and … there’s another verse to that song.

Then of course, there are special Hoosier insults we use to let politicians (those who promise everything, deliver nothing, and blame someone else) know how we really feel … “If your IQ was slightly higher, you could possibly qualify as an idiot.” … “I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my cellphone.” … “I want you to know I am a pacifist, and I’d like to pass my fist across your smirky face.” … “I suppose you are not as dumb as you look because honestly that would be impossible.” … “I have 300 million nerve cells and you irritate every one of them.” … and my favorite … “I’d love to talk politics with you, but I’d prefer to have a colonoscopy instead.” Those ought to get the point across.

Well, you outsiders, that’s not the whole shebang, so don’t get out of whack with a bee in your bonnet if you don’t understand Hoosier talk. It may be a bunch of malarkey, kaflooey, and folderol to you, but you’ll get used to it … Everything will be just hunky-dory!