Katy Perry-Goralczyk has a a nice ring to it.
I could settle for being Nick Perry.
I could settle for anything involving Katy Perry.

It’s Super Sunday, the most bittersweet day of the entire year.

We get to experience one of the greatest annual sporting events but we also have to face the fact that this will also be our last real football game until September. It is a roller coaster of emotions for everyone involved.

Let’s cut to the chase, you’re busy, I’m busy, we’re all busy. It’s Super Sunday, you have plenty of wings to eat, margaritas to mix and chairs to indent. You don’t have time to waste reading a long and pompous article by some hack reporter….which is why you should avoid reading anything by Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe.

What, did you think I was talking about myself? Pfft, you should schedule your day around my ramblings.

Okay, but seriously, we all need to spend time preparing for the game by coming up with new names to call Pete Carroll. So, let’s get to my thoughts on today’s events.

Ready or not, here we go.

The Game

Full disclosure, I hate this matchup. I hate the Patriots, I hate the Seahawks, I hate Pete Carroll but, most of all, I HATE Pete Carroll. When I say “hate” I don’t mean in the, “I hope something horrible happens to you” way. I mean more along the lines of, “I want to drop-kick your family pet into your groin” kind of way. That is the level of peeved I get when watching the Seahawks, Pete Carroll and Russell Wilson.

“But Nick, you feel that way about the Patriots too!”

No, reader, I don’t. I will only write this once, so eat it up.

The Patriots are a good team, I envy their success more than I despise them. Bill Belichick is the best coach in the league today, maybe of all time. Finally, Tom Brady is *pauses to avoid throwing up* a great quarterback that was probably underrated for his accomplishments this year.

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Sorry about that, I passed out on my keyboard after typing that stuff about Brady. It took a lot out of me.

The Seahawks are 10-0 against Super Bowl winning quarterbacks, they even embarrassed the NFL’s greatest offense (statistically speaking) in history last year in the Super Bowl. Patriots fans, don’t think they can’t do it again. I highly doubt they will, but I also highly doubted Sarah Palin would ever team up with Ted Nugent for anything. Seemed like a safe assumption at the time.

I expect the Pats to attack Seattle’s secondary. If you go right after their strength, they usually aren’t as strong as you thought. I expect a bold game plan, but I don’t know if the Pats will win solely because of that.

Seattle still has playmakers in all three phases of the game, they are a confident team just like the Pats. Nothing can really be counted out in this matchup. Seattle can hurt you a lot of different ways. I can say, with full confidence, that I don’t expect Wilson to be the difference in this game for Seattle to win because Wilson is OVERRATED. There, I said it.

The key for Seattle is to make Brady uncomfortable from the start and force him to pass. As goes Brady, so goes the Pats. If he is frustrated, so is the rest of that team.

(Yes, I said the Pats should attack the strong Seattle secondary, but only on their own terms. Being forced to throw at that secondary is not what you want.)

Recap on Keys to Victory: Pats need to dictate flow of game on offense. Hawks need to pressure Brady.

This game is about as much of a toss-up as we’ve had in a Super Bowl in quite a while, the best thing we can do is hope that it lives up to the hype.

I’ve seen practically every score predicted so far. That makes it tough to be bold but I won’t let you down, Kosciusko.

Seattle squeaks this game out because Pete Carroll made a deal with the devil at some point in his life.

The Pick: Seattle 27, New England 24 in overtime.
Boom! I am predicting the first-ever overtime in Super Bowl history, you’re welcome!

The Commercials

My commercial predictions are as follows:

1. Budweiser will let us down with a sappy commercial about horses befriending a giraffe instead of making us laugh.
2. Doritos will make us laugh hysterically.
3. We will all be dumbfounded by some raunchy Go-Daddy-esque ad.

The Real Pick

Who cares about football, Katy Perry is performing at the half and I am all about that. I pick Katy Perry to be my soul mate.