The complexities of single parenthood
WARSAW — There are unseen people in the community who do the work of five people every day. From personal chef to taxi driver, single parents are the unsung heroes who are recognized best by their children. Single parents’ voices often go unheard because they are too busy balancing on theirs toes while dodging life’s punches.
Vanessa Mullins Hollan, Warsaw, is a single mother to her youngest son, five-year-old Darius, who has down syndrome and other severe medical issues. Hollan has been pursuing her associate’s degree in photography online at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh while working around Darius’s doctor appointments and school schedule. She also has two older sons and a mother who help her in any way they can.
“I’m going to be honest. It’s stressful.” Hollan commented on her experience of single parenthood. “It’s hard. You have to have a lot of faith but it’s rewarding. To my youngest, I’m his world. He looks at me like I’m Super Woman even though I’m not different. Lots of coffee and love for my children keep me going. They deserve so much more. There are times I think I’m a failure and you get in those moods where you think you’re not good enough or that you’re doing this wrong, but I do my best for him.”
Being a single parent isn’t a cookie-cutter situation that can be dismissed as one way or the other by common misconceptions of single parents. It’s a circumstance that parents, mothers and fathers, find themselves in for a variety of reasons. Raising a child and supplying for all their needs is a difficult feat without a strong support system, which can come from parents, grandparents, friends or siblings.
“Single parents need help with services like food stamps or WIC,” explained Hollan. “We’re not lazy just because we need a little help. There are families with both parents who are working and they have a hard time paying for food and mortgage. Why would anyone think that a single parent on one income is being lazy when even those families can’t afford food?”
There isn’t a handbook on parenting to know if it’s being done right or good enough, but even when Hollan has gray days where she feels unsure she’s reassured by Darius hugging her out of nowhere and telling her that he loves her. Darius often comes home from school with positive notes about his performance.
Hollan has tried to be the best guiding light for her children. Even with the stress and the tight budget, Hollan has considered herself one of the richest people. While she doesn’t get to visit the salon or get new clothes, she has precious souls who love her unconditionally.
“He looks up to me,” commented Hollan. “I have to be the best role model for him because I want him to become better and become more than me. You have to follow your heart and trust your instincts. It’s going to be tough but it’s worth it.”
“I know life is hectic and very busy, but it’s important to take time for your children,” concluded Hollan. “To listen to them and talk to them. Do the little things like read a book or go to the park and have a water balloon fight. Simple stuff. They’ll remember your family traditions and all the attention, respect and love you give will always be with them.”